I know I’m on the path to becoming a doctor but
I still hate going to the doctor’s. After over a week of a sore throat and
cough during the holidays, I was still holding strong. Until last night when I
was abruptly woken up at 3am by an unbearably dry sore throat, cough, fever,
and racing heart beat. I’m cranky when I don’t get sleep so off I went to make
this go away.
The doc ordered a typical 5 day course of
antibiotics
Day 1 – I feel worse, can barely talk without
wanting to somehow shove ice down my throat to soothe it. This is going to be
fun.
Probably the worst part is that this means I
can’t work. I’m in the minority that actually hates calling in sick. Staying
home is like admitting defeat. Part of me feels like I’m lying, screaming “Yeah
you can work, you wimp, you’re just making excuses.” Will my boss think the
same? Am I really not able to work today? Can I possibly work from home? …and
you can see where this cycle goes.
Short story, I’m a workaholic, I hate giving
up when I could be doing something.
However, this is a whole different story. This
week I was supposed to start in adult oncology. There is absolutely no way I’d
set foot inside that door. Even if I put on a mask, viewed from afar, and took
all precautions, it just doesn’t feel right. I came here to volunteer and
learn, staying at home does nothing for me but even the slight risk of
spreading an infection to a patient or health care team member far outweighs
any benefit. Not just because this is a developing country, I recall feeling
the same when calling in sick while volunteering at Brigham & Women’s
Hospital in Boston. The workaholic in me caves when I realize it compromises
the cost-benefit ratio. All those hours spent on CITI certifications has
reinforced that nagging feeling of my conscience. If it was office paper work
or school work, it would be different. If I were an essential member of the
team, if it wasn’t a high risk immunocompromised patient population, if this
wasn’t a third world country with high rates of infection, maybe I’d give it a
second thought…? Probably not, but either way, right now, it’s just not
happening. My conscience is pretty clear on that.
Here comes five days in
sweats, slurping piping hot chicken soup, endlessly gargling salt water,
aimlessly trying to pass time.
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